


Sitting All Alone

by Goffy



Series: Bellyache [1]
Category: Cirque du Freak | The Saga of Darren Shan - Darren Shan
Genre: Gen, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:34:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27609047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goffy/pseuds/Goffy
Summary: Inspired by Billie Eillish's song "Bellyache", this mini-series with short chapters (each named after a lyric) focuses on Steve Leonard and his transformation into what he became (alongside minor interactions with other characters, no dialogue.) This is written from a psychological perspective and aims to study the character in more depth.
Relationships: Steve "Leopard" Leonard/Darren Shan, Steve Leonard/Tommy Jones
Series: Bellyache [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2018588
Kudos: 5





	Sitting All Alone

When the stupor finally lifted and the numbness receded, that was when he truly came to terms with the events of the cold night that had unfolded only a month and half ago.

Although he had been preparing himself for the upcoming heaps of misery ever since the fateful encounter at the graveyard, nothing would have prepared him for the cruel, sudden epiphany he’d get at the school playground, under the large tree where the space, like almost every other place, was infected with memories of _him_.

The realization being, of course, that these very pictures of nostalgia etched stubbornly into his mind were nothing but lies. His heart sunk, weighed down by the dread- he felt something awful, and he discovered that he was frozen. He couldn’t react, as much as he wanted to move, to hurl the comic in his hand far away- there was a voice in his head, yelling at him to get away from the wretched place, yet his body refused to cooperate.  
His fingers twitched.

Was there an appropriate response to finding out someone who meant much to you was in fact not who you thought they were?

He had not yet registered the sudden realization when he caught someone approaching him from the corner of his eyes. He didn’t have to guess, he knew who it was. Tommy.  
Coming to him for the billionth time, with those same pitying eyes and gentle tone, as if he was some damned wounded animal.  
As if he was grieving.

What did they know? Everyone, all of them, they could never understand- they never did. Only one person had.  
And yet it didn't matter, despite that understanding and bond they'd established, in the end he had still been thrown aside, used as a stepping stone by the person he least expected it from. And now everybody was labelling him 'the boy who lost his best friend’, and it irked him how they thought he was broken and sad over the loss of a traitor, who was suddenly some sinless saint to everybody now that he was six feet under (or so they thought).  
If only they knew.

Tommy called out to him.  
Steve got up, pushing himself off the floor with more energy than necessary, hoping the anger in his steps made the other boy retreat. It did not.

A hand clamped down onto his shoulder and spun him around, he responded swiftly by shoving Tommy away.  
And there it was. The sympathetic tone, the “I know you miss him”, the tender reminders that he was not alone. Bullshit. 

Bullshit.

Before Tommy could finish his speech, Steve snapped. For the first time in a long, dark month, Steve felt a flame rage within him, and he finally said something. And it was poisonous and angry and painful- Tommy’s expression changed, he was shocked, then he was hurt- but Steve didn’t stop. His sentiments spewed past his lips, decorated in venomous profanity, letting Tommy know he hated him, he hated Darren, he hated everybody and trusted no-one, and he made sure to tell the boy that he was not, in fact, mourning, for he had nothing to mourn about. 

Silence found itself layered thickly in between the two boys soon after, as saddened eyes looked for anything they could redeem in cold, angry ones. And for the first time, under the same withering tree where they had first met and shared secrets with, where they had spent their years together, where they had done that stupid ticket thing for that stupid circus, Tommy realized he could no longer recognize his friend, and that was when he knew it was over.  
Nothing would ever be the same again, no matter how hard he tried to glue together the remains of their friendship. And from the way the silence sounded- different, new- Steve knew that too.

So when they turned away from each other and walked off, none of them looked back, for there was nothing left to see.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed that! there's more to come, of course, and I'm very excited about the other things I have in store. 
> 
> this chapter used the opening lyrics "Sitting all alone, mouth full of gum, in the driveway"- to depict loneliness. I've always imagined how Steve must have felt immediate post-betrayal....and its a very sad painting of a forlorn boy in a suddenly lonely world. 
> 
> not proof read as of yet ( i did read and edit it about five times today but it was all after 1 AM...so i may need to check again)


End file.
